Jokes Page

Michelle · Jokes Page

Hi place your jokes on here.

Michelle · sorry

hi had to delete that joke, sorry if it caused offence to anyone.

steaallan

now now chelle i thought you were a good clean lass not a DIRTY DIRTY GIRL you minx

club sec

Very rude, you'll fit right in on here!

Gav Taylor

damn!! missed it!

club sec

Gav Taylor

steafy now big man! we'll all get arrested!

joe_the_waiter

am i missing summet?

Gav Taylor

took me a while I must admit dave

club sec

slippy

Found this in Tesco

club sec

Gaylor knows all about that.

Gav Taylor

kiss kiss bang bang

Gav Taylor

1919 poster from the states....

F***king too right they wont!!!

Gav Taylor

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=fl6jfOEPJGk&feature=related

Gav Taylor

club sec

The article gets the venue wrong it was actually Skelton beach and Bob was on duty that day and had to tease the blokes nads free.

Gav Taylor

what technique did you use Bob?

should have just given a firm flick...that would have torn his gonads off

bob_mck

hahaha
i would have given them a kick

club sec

more likely a lick.

Gav Taylor

bob_mck

...oh dear

Gav Taylor

no come back from Bob...obvious sign of guilt.

club sec

He's still trying to wash the taste out of his mouth.

bob_mck

it was just the textbook school boy comment to say something about someone being gay when theres no witty joke to mind

Gav Taylor

***rattled***

bob_mck

haha
i didnt say it wasnt funny

club sec

steaallan

Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfit s. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

club sec

Tour de France 1940

steaallan

me and bob are in there somewhere training for the 24hr (probably right at the back as usual ) ooh no thats dave

joe_the_waiter

I see Ste has carpet bombed the forum again...